30 Good Definitions

1. Cigarette - A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other
2. Love Affairs - Something like cricket where one day internationals are more popular than a five day tests
3. Marriage - It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce - Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either
6. Conference - The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
7. Compromise - The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
8. Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power
9. Dictionary - A place where divorce comes before marriage
10. Conference Room - A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
11. Ecstasy - A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
12. Classics - Books which people praise, but do not read
13. Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight
14. Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
15. Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth
16. Etc. - A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
17. Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
18. Experience - The name men give to their mistakes
19. Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions
20. Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
21. Diplomat - A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
22. Opportunist - A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
23. Optimist - A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet"
24. Pessimist - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
25. Miser - A person who lives poor so that he can die rich
26. Father - A banker provided by nature
27. Criminal - A guy no different from the rest except that he got caught
28. Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
29. Politician - One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after
30. Doctor - A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills